How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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