I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
