new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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