I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
