i barfeds in our rink
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize