you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
