My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
