you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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