Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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