don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
