quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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