Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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