did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
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i used baking grease as lip gloss
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
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No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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