you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
two words...techno handjob
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
