How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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