Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
