I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
