this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
