T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
