So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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