I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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