My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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