ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
