We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
