I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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