I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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