and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
