there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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