3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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