Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My breasts were aching with rage.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
