If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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