If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
