The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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