you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
