I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
