Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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