Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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