She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
