He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize