tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
