woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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