Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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