She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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