watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
