Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
