I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Randomize
