my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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