What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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