where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
