the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
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