Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
