I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
