and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
