The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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