btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
