drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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