I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Randomize
